Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Welcome, My Son.

Welcome, my Son to this wide and wondrous world. Yours was not the birth we had planned for you. We wanted you to enter this world in our home surrounded by love and comfort, but my body was not strong enough in the end. Plans had to change quickly or we both could have been lost. It was no ones fault and could not have been avoided. This was just the way my genetics played out. 6 days before your estimated due date our midwife sent us to the hospital because some of our lab works were slightly off. When we arrived only half an hour later, things had progressed at an alarming rate. My platelets were low, my blood pressure was extremely high, my blood oxygen levels were dangerously low, my protein count was ten times what it should have been, I was in the first stages of organ failure, and I was at high risk for a stroke or seizure at any moment. The decision was made that you had to come out if we both were to survive.  Amazingly as I got worse and worse, your heart rate remained perfect throughout all of what was to come.  Though I did not feel them yet I was already having contractions at 7 minutes apart and was dilated to 4cm. The only method of induction they had to use was to break my water and things got rolling. 
Our wonderful Doula (Laura) came driving home from Chicago (a 6 to 8 hour drive) the second she heard what was going on. She was amazing and gave me the focus I needed. Our midwife (Cathrine) came to be with us. She also was amazing and took command of that little hospital room. Your Poppy, my Bear, my strength, my love, was there by my side the entire time and yes, he was also amazing. There was so much love in his eyes and I drew so much strength from him as he literally held us together. We filled that room with strength and love despite the bright lights and a Dr. who stood back and made it clear what she thought of home births. We ignored her and did what we had to do. Somehow we managed to convince the hospital staff that I needed no pain killers (I was able to give you that at least). My hips started to sublex and your Poppy and a nurse braced me on either side. The hospital refused to let us labor in any position other than on our back (I am sorry. I did not want you to have to work around my pubic bone so hard). I tore. I tore bad, but we kept going. You stopped while crowning for an hour and a half to two hours. I could feel your head but you would not come the rest of the way out. We could get though this. That much I knew for certain.  
After 10 hours of labor on April 14th at 10:27pm you made your way into this world. Your father carried you up to me and laid you across my chest. They would not let us wait for the cord to stop pulsing like we had planned, but your Poppy was the one who got to cut it. You began looking for food immediately and I refused to let the nurses take you from me. They preformed every test they could while you were in my arms. I think you were about two hours old before they convinced me to let them weigh you right next to your Poppy and I (and then to return you immediately). You were 8 lbs and 5 oz, 20 inches long, and perfect in every way. 
10 days later and I am still on bed rest. My blood pressure is still extremely high but we are home. We've had a few scares since, and you developed a rather nasty case of jaundice, but we were able to treat you here at home and even that has cleared up now. We are doing fine. We are going to make it.
I sit here with you in my arms and think, while this is not how we planned for your birth to go, it is where we needed to be. The people who needed to be there were there, and what had to happen happened. There were so many prayer warriors around the world praying us through this and God heard every single one of their sweet voices. Truly nothing but the grace of God brought us through this. We are home. We are healthy. We are safe. We are family and you are our son. This is how you entered this world. Glory to God indeed! Proof evident that prayers are heard and answered.. Even if it's not what we planned it is what God planned. In His wisdom and mighty hands I place my trust and you, my son.Welcome to this wide and wondrous world. With all my love, Your Mum.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Knit Baby Clothes and Anniversary

It's done! My first knit sweater and baby's first outfit!

4 years ago today I woke up just Me;
That day in a chapel Me became We.
After years of love and laughter
Our We is about to become 3!

Happy Anniversary Bear. I love you more and more every day and am looking forward to this new chapter in our lives. We made a commitment to stand beside each other no matter what. Thank you for daily proving to me that  I chose the right partner. You are going to be a wonderful father to our son. Our son. Such beautiful words. We are full term and he could arrive at any moment. He will be the best of the both of us and more. We have made a unique and beautiful individual together. I can't wait to meet him and place him in your arms. I love you always.
Your Fox~